Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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