I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
