I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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