i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
