I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
