The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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