Jerry, you need to find god
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
