you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
