So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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