one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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