My brain says no but my pants say off.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
