You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and she was petting her beer can
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
