tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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