it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
