she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
