take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
