It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
