I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
