I think I am morally bankrupt
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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