it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
