whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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