...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
