we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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