Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
