At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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