so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
