I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
