hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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