who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
