Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
