we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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