I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
