So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
