Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
