mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
