I think I am morally bankrupt
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
