He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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