If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
