And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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