do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
