My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
