i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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