I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Randomize
