guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
