i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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