is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
sex in a hospital.. check
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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