I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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