If that was your dad, he is hot
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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