He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
