Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
