There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
