shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
