so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
