my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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