the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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